GIRL 38 ~ DOE EYED TEACHER GIRL

GIRL 38

DOE EYED TEACHER GIRL

 

It was early November. The days were cool and crisp. It was my favorite time of year. I had hoped to find someone to be with for Christmas, but I realized in this encounter that I was deceiving myself.

The woman hit on me with no picture. After Girl 36, Squirt Gun Girl, I had sworn to myself that I would not date anyone without a picture. She got my cell phone number from an email signature - no one had ever taken that as an invitation to call me. What was surreal about it was that she left me three messages before I initially called her back, and she spoke as if she'd known me for months.

I called her the first time while commuting to work, and caught her before she went into the classroom. She was a teacher. What annoyed me about her is that her voice was nasal, with the same accent as a vice president at my client's company, a guy who hated me. She also seemed to leave me a lot of messages at 5 pm in which she talked about what a long day she'd had after working an hour of overtime. I'd look at my watch - almost 7 when I knocked off, and here was a woman who got her summers off, worked till only 3 unless she had something she had to do and when she did, got paid overtime. After two years of getting up at 4 am to write a novel while working at an intense construction job, I could tell her, she had no fucking idea what a long day was.

She wanted to meet at the Yardley Inn on the other side of the Delaware River, in a town in PA called, well, Yardley. She had to help me navigate in. The first thing I noticed was how beautiful the restaurant was (which would figure heavily in a later encounter with Girl 70, Underwater Girl). The second thing was this fabulously gorgeous woman in the parking lot, who held a cell phone to her ear.

"Are you in the parking lot, by any chance?" I asked the woman. There was a smile in her voice. "Yes, are you the guy in the black SUV?" That would be me, I told her.

I climbed out of the truck and walked up to the most beautiful woman I had ever dated since I signed onto Match. Suddenly her annoying pictureless profile, complaints about "long days" and annoying nasal voice meant nothing.

 

 

I took her inside. The original plan was a drink. One. The revised plan was dinner and dessert. I looked into her huge brown eyes, her gorgeous face framed in chestnut hair, and I fell apart. Later, I wondered if perhaps she had simply been too pretty for me. The brunette thing was for playing, I told myself. I'd decided I would end up with a platinum blonde. One brunette woman from my past had spent years screaming at me that blondes were my type, and who was I to argue? But Doe Eyed Teacher Girl got under my skin from the moment I saw her in the parking lot. Her smooth, warm hands touched the skin of my hands and her eyes caressed my face. But this woman was a gem, and her personality was as golden as her looks.

I surprised myself by babbling like an idiot. Where was the smooth player who could talk the thong off even the most inhibited female? After two hours talking to her about religion of all things, I paid the $300 check (gulp) and walked her to her car.

 

On the way home, I called her, wondering if I'd blown it. Despite my boorish hogging of the conversation and the subject matter, her voice was filled with a thrilled affection. I was still "in" with Doe Eyed Teacher Girl.

The minute I got home, I emailed her a dozen of my penis pictures. Then I waited.

24 hours.

36.

48.

No sign of Doe Eyed Teacher Girl.

I called her and left a message. A second time she answered. Her voice was cold.

"I liked you until you sent me those disgusting pictures of your private parts. Please lose my number."

Doe Eyed Teacher Girl hung up on me.

I looked over at the passenger seat. My traitorous penis, Tyrannosaurus Rex sat there, a smug expression on his face.

"Why did you do that?" I asked him.

"Do what?"

"Send her those pictures of you."

"It was the perfect test," Rex said, reaching into the console and stealing my Ray·Bans. I had to admit, they looked good on him. He looked tanned and toned, like he'd been working out a lot. I smiled, because he had been working out, thrusting into more pussies, mouths and assholes in six months than he'd had in 44 years.

"What do you mean?"

"Shit, Doe Eyed Teacher Girl is frigid. All beautiful face and pretty hair and big tits and smooth ass, and what does she do when shown pictures of me? She calls me 'disgusting.' You think for a second I'd ever be in her mouth, much less her ass? Do you think she'd ever ask you to put me in her pussy? Girl 25 was right. Penis pictures are the ultimate test. There are only three responses from a woman to pictures of me. Disgust - like Doe Eyed Teacher Girl's answer. Silence, which is the same damned thing. Or the word 'yummy.' I'm telling you, bro', you don't get a girl to say 'yummy,' you gotta move on."

Deep in my heart, I knew he was right.

"Thanks for the save, then," I said.

Rex had made sure I spent only one night on the woman. Who knows, if he weren't on the case, I may have had another sexless relationship in my life.

God knows, one more of those would kill me.

Tags: sex, love, romance, dating, women, girls, hundred girls