GIRL 13
ACQUISITION GIRL
She was older than me, but one of the most beautiful women I’d seen on the famous internet dating site, with an elegance, an understated aspect about her. She
had an exotic Italian name from an obscure northern province. As an
executive in a parntership that executed corporate acquisitions, she
had a ten foot tall career. It took two weeks to get on her schedule,
but finally I was about to see her. I hoped she’d look as good as her
picture.
She invited me to a lovely restaurant in downtown Philadelphia. I was
really impressed with her looks. She was far beyond gorgeous. Who could
imagine that at 46, a woman five years older than me could still make
my stomach jump into my throat? And as to personality, there was real
duality there. While she seemed demure and almost puritanical, she
talked to me about her romantic background and the group sex she had
participated in, but when the bill came, she snatched it from my hand
and slapped two hundred dollar bills into it. I objected, but she acted
like a mom telling her twelve year old to save his money.
I walked her to her shiny Mercedes, kissed her cheek and wished her well.
I’m not sure whether I was out of earshot when my frequently traitorous
and ever-independent penis, Tyrannosaurs Rex, shouted his good-bye to
her: “Fucking Cunt!”
“Jesus, she’ll hear you!” I shushed him.
“Fuck her,” he said. “Or better yet, why don’t we NOT fuck her?”
“What are you so upset about,” I asked. “I’m the one she made an ass out of.”
“Hell. She sits there, sensuously eating oysters and stroking those
damned fresh penis-shaped breadsticks, talking about how she’s done
multiple pricks at once, the goddamned cock-teasing bitch, and I’m
supposed to take it like a gentleman when she walks to her car without
so much as a brush against the boy’s crotch? Not a single sign she
liked me? Hell with her.”
“Hey, she might have been a jerk about the bill, but I could still get
us a second date with her. She might yet take care of you.”
“I doubt it,” Rex said, but even he seemed to wonder about the possibility of playing with Acquisition Girl’s private parts.
When I got home, there was an email for me. “Michael,” she wrote, “I’m
sorry, I had no chemistry for you. Good luck to you on Match.”
“Fucking cunt,” I breathed.
“I was right,” Rex said. “As usual.”
I nodded, half in awe. “I’ll listen to you more, then, my dinosaur friend.”
“If you had, I could have saved you two divorces, but no, you had to use the big head.”
“Okay, okay! Lesson learned! I’ll consult you next time.”
“Consult, hell,” Rex said. “I want to lead the Girlfriend Nomination
Committee. Brain and Heart each get one vote. But I get two. And I
nominate the girls. No more brain-selected attorney girls or
heart-selected orphans. I’m going to bring some nymphomaniacs to the
party. Then we’ll rock, dude!”
Oh, no, I thought. Rex in charge of getting us a girlfriend? What would THAT be like?
I’d soon find out.
Written by tigersharktorp . Link to this entry
This entry has 3 comments: (Add your own)
Unbelieveable. You apparently have developed a sixth sence.
A little advice from a friend:
1. If the girl is married she is not good girl friend material.
2. If the girl is separated she is not good girl friend material.
3. If the girl just got divorced she is not good girl friend material. (It takes a year
to recover and find out what you want).
4. If the girl is hosing everything with a pulse she is not good girl friend material.
5. If the girl is picking out rings or inviting you to meet the family before you've
met she is not good girl friend material.
Jeez Michael you're a very smart man.
Happy hunting,
Betty Boop
Comment from bettybettyboop1
Michael,
Okay, so what, she was hot and beautiful beyond words? She brings home
the bacon, but wouldn't cook for you, as in, screwing your brains, and
you know why I say that? You got a free meal and the cock-sucking,
thunder-cunt probably saved you a trip to the psychiatrist, not to
mention another divorce court. These power babes are bigger pricks than
John Holmes and his legendary shlong. If you had fucked her, she
probably would have been checkingher voice mail onher cell while you
were down licking her carpet. She probably doesn't even get wet unless
a guy shows up wearing Armani, smoking a real Cuban cigar and has one
of those walking, talking, penis hat wearing limo drivers! Personally,
I think the night turned out just right. Good for Rex!
Comment from ussdevilfish666
all I can say is Ya cant win em all.
Comment from ldy916
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